Thursday, 19 April 2018

The Plight of the Polite












And midway through our lives
we found ourselves in a desolate wasteland,
our clothes ragged,
our tongues parched,
a small crowd of us at our hope’s end
and guided by guards
with malice in their hearts.

“This is nice,” we said.
___________

A Little News of Miserable Malcolm
Miserable Malcolm will be headlining the “Poetry Blast” at Kempley Village Hall in Gloucestershire this Friday (20th April), providing a damp squib after the stellar line-up of Brenda Read-Brown, Chloe Jacquet, Samantha Pearse, Peter Wyton and Melanie Branton. It starts at 7.30pm and tickets are £10. More details here.

Then on Tuesday 24th April, Malcolm will be running a workshop at Cheltenham Poetry Festival called “Write More Depressing Poetry with Miserable Malcolm”. Incredibly (and a sad sign of the times we live in) this workshop has been over-subscribed and so has been moved onto the main stage of the Cheltenham Playhouse. So there are now more tickets available. It starts at 2pm and there are more details here.

Lastly, on Saturday 28th of April, Malcolm will be showing his sorry face once again at Mr Fluffypunk’sPennygaff at the SVA, John Street, Stroud, alongside Uta Baldauf, Liz Bentley and Project Adorno. Tickets are £10 for an unmissable night (if you can manage to miss Malcolm’s bit, that is).

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

A Poet! At last!














In other news, Miserable Malcolm has returned from his pleasant trip to the Blue Walnut Cafe in Torquay for Big Poetry and will be performing in Stroud this Saturday at Mr Fluffypunk’s Pennygaff. 
He’ll be supporting the incredible Rob Auton who will be performing the whole of “The Hair Show” – hair being a topic very close to Miserable Malcolm’s head – and the wonderful Tina Sederholm. (Tickets £10, £8.50 advance. More details here.)
Then on Thursday 8th March he’ll be over in Cheltenham at the Bottle of Sauce in a preview night Uncorked for the CheltenhamPoetry Festival (and which is free).

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Valentine's Day. Love and Poetry!


















I have recently been reading a book on the Victorian language of flowers, which seems frankly fraught with dangers. So here are some suggestions for your Valentine’s bouquet:

Eglantine:
“These leaves in their sweet fragrance remind me of yourself.”
Aconite/Borage:
“Your attentions are unwelcome.”
Camellia:
“How radiantly lovely you are!”
Pasque-flower:
“I have put aside worldly thoughts and shall never marry.”
White Campion:
“Meet me at dusk!”
Yellow Rose:
“I love another.”
Aster:
“I regret my impetuousness. Do not take me too seriously …”

Wishing everyone all the best luck this Valentine’s!

Friday, 12 January 2018

Private Eye

Woo-hoo! Exciting news! I have a cartoon in Private Eye this week (no. 1461). And I’m even more excited about this than the two Puritans pictured:
 
 

In other news, Miserable Malcolm will be appearing at the “Turn Left at The Albert” fundraiser in Stroud on Sunday 21st of January, alongside Elvis MacGonagall, Jonny Fluffypunk, Tom Johnson and Rachel Thomas. Tickets are £10 and it starts at 7.30pm.

And, in very advance news, Miserable Malcolm will be running his very first poetry workshop, which is part of this year’s Cheltenham Poetry Festival and is entitled “Write More Depressing Poetry with Miserable Malcolm”. 

It’s on 24th April and I’m giving advance notice so that you can make sure you’re busy on that day! Or, if you're a glutton for this sort of punishment, you can book here.

Monday, 18 December 2017

Evergreen Joke and Algernon at Christmas (and Malcolm too)

Here’s a cartoon that I suppose could pass as seasonal (although, to be honest, it’s winter pretty much all year round at Hawker’s Pot):


















And here are Algernon and Mavis (his X) to wish you a very Merry X-mas and remind you that there’s still time to pop The Life and Times of Algernon Swift into somebody’s stocking (but maybe not when they’re walking along).






















And, lastly, Miserable Malcolm hasn’t made a huge number of appearances this year (which is probably a relief for poetry-lovers) but he promises to rectify that in 2018 and bring his unique poetry and performance wherever it is unwelcome. 
In the meantime, if you’re wondering what sort of Christmas he’ll be having, it’ll probably be a bit like this: