Saturday 27 November 2010

In an earlier life, Reverend Hawker was a cattle rustler in the Old West. One night he and his old pal John Flaherty (now a big man in the Church of Rome) were ambushed by a rival gang as they rode across the wide plain, discussing the finer points of the High Church Revival. Our heroes were bound hand and foot, and thrown into a deep pit with perpendicular sides and no prospect of escape. But what did Flaherty do, but wriggle out of his ropes, fish a tin whistle out of his pocket and start to play? The rope which he had carefully arranged in a coil on the floor began steadily to rise up into the air! Flaherty shinned up it, followed by Hawker, who asked, as they continued their progress across the plain, how the devil he’d done it. But Flaherty was a close one and “Old Indian trick” was all he’d say.

Friday 19 November 2010

They were thinking of having an éclair.

-- Darling, there’s something I need to tell you.
-- What is it, darling?
-- I’ve been having an éclair at work.
-- I suppose I should have guessed. Is that why you never eat your sandwiches now?
-- After a cream-filled pastry at eleven o’clock, I just don’t feel hungry.
-- But those sandwiches ... I make them each morning from bread I bake specially!
-- I know.
-- Oh God! Does my loaf mean nothing to you?

(from Fondant Makes the Heart Grow Baser by Patti Serry)

Friday 5 November 2010

November the Filth

(Fireworks available for November the Filth include rockets stuffed with dungpowder, latrine-wheels, etc..)