Fowler’s Modern Usage

Astonished by the tidal wave of S & M novels spilling out from the shelves of nearly every bookshop he visits these days, Algernon decides to write one of his own.  He calls it:

The House of Correction

and describes in its pages an establishment where young women are brought to have their spelling corrected, along with their punctuation and grammar.  Here a variety of unsavoury pedants monitor the young women, paying particular attention to 

                   their ampersands,

                   their etceteras 
                   and  
                   their ellipses, 
 

while grimly muttering phrases such as 

“You will soon grow accustomed to such usage, madam!”

Algernon, however, forgets to include any sex scenes: to his mind a series of vignettes about prim young women being sternly reminded that  

‘the word “accommodate” is spelt with 2 m’s!’

is excitement enough -- (not to mention the story of a grocer’s daughter who leaves her apostrophes everywhere) 

– and the book fails to become a bestseller.