Grave Misunderstanding

Algernon Swift writes to the Editor of The Times:

Dear Sir,

It seems to me that the experiment of planting stones in graveyards with a supply of organic matter under each one should be declared a failure.  Not one of the stones has grown any larger, and this despite the best efforts of the ground staff and interested parties in keeping the grass mown around them and their bases free of weeds.  

This practice has gone on for centuries, and reached its zenith in the stone-planting craze of the Victorians, who by now would surely have expected to see stone forests at the edge of every major town.  Instead, any traveller on the railway is confronted with the dreary prospect of row after row of transplanted -- and slowly eroding -- stone.

I feel strongly that the whole pointless endeavour should be called off, especially as the demand for such stone as might have been produced in these places has long been filled by other materials such as concrete.

Yours faithfully,

Algernon Swift

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To which the Editor replies by printing a picture of a large churchyard angel, whose wingspan has increased each year since 1873 and which now resembles a ragged and decayed old tree.